Breathe.
It is going to feel impossible.
You’re not going to feel ready. In fact,
You’re going to feel like a complete and total fraud.
Everyone will confuse you for a student and
One of the administrators will nonverbally shame you for
Entering the teacher’s lounge during lunch – how dare you?
You look sixteen.
You can’t possibly be a student teacher.
There will be stress.
Stress so overwhelming that your acne will flare up so badly
That your students will interrupt your lesson to tell you
about it.
Great ideas will come to you but you won’t be able to
explain them.
Your mentor teacher will look at you with kind,
understanding eyes
But will still have no idea what you’re talking about.
When you plan your lesson you’ll be sure you thought of
everything
And then you will forget all of it and the clearly printed English
on your lesson plans
Will translate themselves into French – a language in which
you are clearly not fluent.
Why aren’t you fluent in French?
Your students will act like you’re speaking in French.
You’ll hear crickets.
Everyone will tell you that it will all work out. They don’t
know what you know.
They don’t understand. No one understands.
You haven’t done enough.
You didn’t volunteer. You never went for that co-op job. You
have no experience.
You took too long in college. You took too long to decide to
become a teacher.
You’re not going to get that job. It’s going to go to
someone else.
Someone more qualified. Someone who won’t actually like that
job – your dream job.
Someone who will leave after they’ve taken your spot.
But you won’t even make it that far
Because your KPTP score was abysmal. You weren’t thorough
enough.
You provided too much detail. The schedule you mapped out
overwhelmed you
And so you just sat in bed staring at your schedule until it
was too late.
You won’t be able to work enough. You won’t be able to pay
all of your bills.
You can’t make work your priority. School has to come first.
But you have to work and you have to work enough because
It’s hard to write lesson plans in the dark.
You are facing the impossible. You tell yourself it’s all
going to be okay.
You tell yourself you are going to fail.
You can only do so much. It won’t be enough.
So you get into your car, lock your doors, and buckle your
seatbelt.
You put your car in reverse, back out of the parking space
and wipe away your tears
Before you put the car into drive. You pull out of the
campus parking lot
And then it starts. That perfect song. The familiar first
notes and the comforting lyrics
Fill your car, softly at first. You increase the volume so
that it no longer fills your car
But it fills your ears. It fills your head. It drowns out your thoughts – the noise and
disapproval.
And when that song is followed by another familiar song, you’ll
turn the volume up then too.
